Are you a Patty Hearst?

I'm using my Blog as my outlet to speak, please let this be my heartfelt apology From me to all women for every guy that hurt you, for the times I may have hurt you, for the times I got so pissed off at you because I felt you were so weak, for the times you wished someone was there to just listen but no one was there so you held it in, I want to speak to every woman out there that has been hurt of all races, sizes, shapes, and backgrounds. I'm Sorry.

Now that I've got that out of the way let me say this.

When I look at the women in my family what do I see? I would love to say that I saw so much strength, but I don't see it as much as I'd like to. I have a huge problem connecting with my family on either side, I've always been very independent in that way but it's also kind of like a curse. It was like I was preparing myself to not get too attached because I knew that I was going to bust out of Oklahoma City as soon as I possibly could, but it's also because I see the same trend, the same cycle repeating itself in all of the women in my family and the men they choose, and the fact that I felt they were not so strong pissed me off. They get fixated on "one particular guy" (that is ultimately bad for them) and cannot let them go, ending in a long tormented battle with themselves I see pain and broken hearts. No man should have that much control over you I'm sorry, pick your self up by your boot straps and get over it. No matter how many kids you have with them, no matter what you all went through, no matter how much time was invested, live and let live. I'm not speaking on one individual woman in my family, because this goes out to many I see the same exact thing in many of the women in my family. Actually I see this in a lot of women period, but since it's in my family it hits home so I'm speaking from my own personal experience. I just wish GOD could grant you guys whatever strength you need to move on and become the prosperous, beautiful, goddesses of life that I know you can be, but before you can become that you need to cleanse, cleanse your soul, mind, body, and spirit of the pain.

I feel like these women in my family and of the world with this plight are dealing with sort of their own version of Stockholm Syndrome.
The definition of Stockholm Syndrome is An extraordinary phenomenon in which a hostage begins to identify with and grow sympathetic to their captor, ala Patty Hearst The granddaughter of publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst and great-granddaughter of self-made millionaire George Hearst, she gained notoriety in 1974 when, following her kidnapping by the Symbionese Liberation Army (SLA), she ultimately joined her captors in furthering their cause.(Provided by Wikipedia)

I feel that somehow they sympathize with that "one particular guy" because they've both hurt each other and feel that they've been so broken the only person that can really love them is that "one particular guy." I could be way off base here so if you do feel that way let me know.

But I will end on this note : If "ONE PARTICULAR GUY" was to get engaged or married right now and you felt some kind of way about it, like why wasn't I "the one." Or if "ONE PARTICULAR GUY" your still seeing but you can't let anyone know because you know everyone is going to be angry about the hurt and pain he's caused you. Or if "ONE PARTICULAR GUY" can control your mood by not calling, not showing up, or not paying attention to you. Your the women I'm talking to a man shouldn't make you feel like you don't measure up, a man shouldn't make you feel ashamed of your love, and a man's absence shouldn't be the control switch on your emotions. If this is the case maybe you're are not dealing with a MAN at all, and the fact that he's not a MAN maybe the reason you haven't grown up to be a WOMAN.

Old enough to know better, Young enough not to care, Mature enough to change

I haven't updated or posted anything in a long while not because I've been overly busy or anything just because I haven't felt the need, not to say that like stuff didn't definitely go down in my absence, I mean actually on the contrary.... (semi-Break ups, semi-Breakdowns, and mad Betrayal...) but that's not what I wanted to write about, I mean to put it simply I just don't feel like rehashing the past I've accepted it, and carry it around with me but I don't let it weigh me down any longer. The process of forgiving takes me forever, forgive but DON'T forget is usually the motto of my generation, *or at least that's what I hear most of my peers saying* but with me usually it's DON'T forgive, hold that grudge to the point that you forget what happened or you don't care anymore, which usually takes me anywhere from 6-12 months with me, depending on the person it could take a lifetime. I could chalk all this up to me being a Scorpio and our mad sense of loyalty and our revenge/grudge holding nature, like I usually do but I'm not it's definitely something that I'm trying to work on that's why I'm going to make 2010 my year NO MATTER WHAT... I've decided to incorporate my personality, with my new views, and a hint of maturity and sensibility without losing my spontaneity and/or outgoing nature. Not standing for any bullshit, but also I'm not going to be one to overreact I just truly don't care anymore, so I stop at don't disrespect me, and I don't feel the need to disrespect you in the process of telling you that which would definitely be what would happen in the past you bite me, I bite you back harder but now I don't care. Now don't get me wrong I'm not going to let someone just punk my ass or anything. Anyway let me segway to the actual reason for this blog post basically this post was to document my New Years' Resolution which is to like I said make this my year... Professionally, Artistically, Mentally, Physically, Personality wise and etc... My new motto " I walk to the beat of my own drum, fall back, or follow."

It's so hard being a guy...but trust me it's that much harder being this guy....

So how many "The One" 's are we allowed to have...Seriously I thought I had met "The One" like 4 times...Twice when I was 16...Once when I was 17 and this last time I was 18 just a couple months shy of 19 years old. Crazy thing called LOVE, not sure when/if I'll meet that one but I'm patiently waiting in the meantime...But anyway let's recap the past couple of weeks cuz they've been kind of insane in the membrane...and they definitely have to deal with Life,Love,and all that J...crazy...So let's start the best place to do that is on the 11th I wake up and I'm just not having a good day ya know...well the day proceeds and midway through it can't remember what happened but I could't breathe it felt like my lungs were on fire...then I threw up everywhere...and had to chew a frikkin TAB...cuz I couldn't swallow anything not even water...So i'm like wow I'm sick but it's not going to effect this wknd I had mad plans because my folks were outta town this wknd...So friday comes everything's going great I got most of my group of friends there and everyone's pretty cool...Except for a select few tht were being well themselves LOL ya know who you are...but anyway the night prevails and I have some more of my closests come over and it was cool well the end of the night I'm drunk and make horrible decisions in horrible places...Hence why now I've decided to become celibate (until I'm in a committed relationship) and stop drinking hard liquor...well wknd prevails with failed parties and failed attempts at serious relationships...as usual and here comes sunday not feeling all that well again...and I gotta take my boy KK home and I'm just feeling plain shitty...Folks come home it's all good...Monday I'm like wow feeling crazy again throwin up i'm most def sick I know it...Tues Feelin worse bad news bears My mom's all on my back like you better go to the ER i'm like NO don't wanna deal with the waiting it's bull...Wed. more throwing up feeling even worse so I've decided to go to the ER...long story short there for about 9hrs they tell me I have a severe case of Strep Throat and suffering from dehydration, and exhaustion I mean i'm hooked up to IV's and shit like LiLo
Yeah so I'm still coming down from that so Today is all about finding a job I have so much things to buy...my cousin is willing to sell me his blackberry storm, I gotta pay my cell bill and insurance and my credit card off that I haven't officially gotten yet LOL ok RANT OVER!!!
LATER DAYZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Z

As I always say MUSIC=PORN FOR THE SOUL!!!

A couple of weeks ago I don't know maybe about 3 or so, a friend (Erica) and I attended a show at the conservatory...A band by the name of Aliens vs. Robots were playing and it really started to inspire me again about my dreams and my focus...They were actually really good and passionate, that's one thing I love about watching real live performances is passion none of that predetermined stage movements, I mean I love the pure spontaneity of live performances when people dance and show how they feel I mean just move to the music even if you can't dance just feel the music and let it move you...I thought I would just put those praises in the blogosphere and just let that marinate for a little while now onto pressing news....As we all know well at least everyone who knows me knows that I love a girl that can sing even more than I love my crazy wild girls...and if you can sing and have a good head on your shoulders than your alright with me and this girl just so happens to have all that and more I think my friends know who I'm talking about that's right it's Jojo she recently let her fans know what's up on her album, the delaying of it and her label DRAMA...here's Jojo's video to her fans ( WARNING: there's a scream in the middle of the video so don't have your volume all the way up unless you want the shizz scared out of you.)

It's funny to me that she says that her fans are like Jojo what are you doing?, When are we going to hear new music? because my friends say the same things to me like I'm her publicist...LOL
Alright it's effin 5:38am I gotta catch some ZZZZ's
LATER DAYZ
-Z

Look at that Guy...

I've decided to start a blog...If you know me you can see why. Anyway I named the blog Curing Adolescence because I thought it fit me at this time in my life...I'm at that crossroads were now is the time for responsibility, structure, discipline, and adulthood...But I know myself I'm serious when needed...but I'm a fun guy. I love to have fun, although I still want to be considered an adult and due to the fact that I have this baby face and this short stature sometimes people don't take me serious...Then there comes the problem...Hence why I named my blog it's name because i'm still somewhat considered a "KID" and yes technically I am still a teenager...But I'm also an adult and a Man needless to say and although I don't mind some adolescent behavior, I don't want to be considered one...So when I say Curing Adolescence I don't mean leave all childish things behind...I mean for my elders and others to leave that stereotype behind that they have about our generation...that we are careless, thoughtless, and that we believe we're invincible...That's my rant people I'll add more later...LATER DAYZ


-Z